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A substance abuse problem changes the way a person looks at the world, and treatment does much the same thing. When it comes to relationships, the realities and rules of abstinence after addiction become all the starker. Whether as a client or a companion, a guide to sober dating is very important in understanding how matters of the heart change. Many treatment programs discourage their members either actively or otherwise from pursuing romantic or sexual relationships in the aftermath of their recovery.
Hence, the rule of thumb that people in recovery not date for the first year of their sobriety. The year-old man who studiously stayed away from dating for the first six months re-entered the relationship scene as a fully committed and engaged member of his treatment program. As any person going through recovery will say, being sober can be incredibly difficult.
The apparent cure for the loneliness is often sought in likeminded people. Part of the draw comes from the feeling of relapsing without actually doing it; a psyche that is still too strongly tempted by addiction can rationalize anything, including staying with a partner or multiple partners who are using drugs.
A person in recovery can still well remember the tension and drama of a relationship affected by substance abuse. For all the arguing and threats of breaking up, there was an edge, a thrill of being in that kind of arrangement.
That feeling can be a drug in and of itself, one that is not found in sober life and especially not in sober relationships.
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